Being a child again is the best way I can describe what it feels and looks like to create. I have to go WAY back to before I found out that the world was not safe…before I became afraid of doing something stupid or wrong.

I had three older brothers who worked hard to make sure I understood that everything I did was inadequate. I was “the baby of the family”…a punching bag…reminded daily that I was stupid and weak. It didn’t take long for me to learn that if I wanted to feel safe, I would have to be alone. So, I would walk for miles into the desert behind our home in El Paso…following lizard trails in the sand and exploring the different colors and textures of the desert. I think that’s when I first began to fully appreciate the beauty and mystery of nature…and the ugliness and pain of man.

I mention “pain” a lot in this series. I guess that’s because I am in my pain when I create…reaching to touch it some way with the tender hand of God through an image or scene or color or shade or smell. There’s Joy as well…that’s the actual place I’m hoping I’ll get to by going there. I’m not as afraid to go into the dark places in my soul…because today, I know what’s on the other side…what my truth is.

So, creating the space for worship at Journey starts with me reading the worship order that was put together by the worship team earlier in the week. I try not to read the order too early in the week…it’s no fun to have a plan. In fact, having a plan is the best way for this man to destroy any hope of creating something meaningful or moving for the people coming to worship on Sunday morning. So I usually look at it during the day on Saturday in case the worship team has something specific they want and a stop over at Home Depot is needed before I head to the warehouse. Other than a quick look, I don’t begin to feel into creating the space until I unlock the door at the warehouse. Now sometimes, the worship team is feeling creative and they will describe the design of the space in great detail. This, for lack of a better word, sucks. The one thing I cannot resist is following a to-do-list. If the worship team provides a to-do-list of their creative thoughts…I will follow it…and I will hate it. Not because their vision is wrong…but because I’m choosing to no longer have this connection with God to how it will look. It’s right there on paper…all I have to do is do it. And, that’s not much fun for this man…so on those nights I grind my teeth and cuss and sigh and go through the motions and get it done and go home and sleep like crap and wake up and reluctantly head back to the warehouse and drag my ass out of the car and send the kids off to bible study while I sulk and limp into Rick’s thing and then into worship thinking how suck-ass it’s going to be and every damn time it’s an amazing experience and the service didn’t suck and the design of the space felt right and God felt in it and it was beautiful.

What’s the moral of this story? Here’s a list, in no particular order, of my rules around creative worship: 

1. It’s not about me.
2. Pray and listen.
3. If it doesn’t go according to plan, it’s okay.
4. Don’t burn the place down.

It is clear to this man that the worship team can hear God just as well as I can…or better. So, if I’m unhappy with the worship team because they’re taking all the creativeness and fun out of “my” time in preparing the warehouse for worship…then that’s about me…not them. God is in it…no matter what. Tomorrow I’ll talk about what comes after…all of the above.